1
00:00:02,030 --> 00:00:03,080
Excuse me, sir.

2
00:00:04,030 --> 00:00:05,080
What?

3
00:00:05,310 --> 00:00:07,150
Could you spare just a few moments?

4
00:00:07,430 --> 00:00:10,670
Why? Well, I'm trying to randomly pick
someone for a survey.

5
00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:14,930
Oh, yeah? You have to be a C2, skilled
manual worker.

6
00:00:15,550 --> 00:00:19,769
When? And most important of all, you
have to be married with two children,

7
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:20,820
boy, one girl.

8
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:21,509
That's right.

9
00:00:21,510 --> 00:00:25,060
Oh, well, that's exactly what I'm
looking for, Mr... Poulter. Ben Poulter.

10
00:00:25,510 --> 00:00:28,460
Ben Poulter. Butter, congratulations.

11
00:00:29,140 --> 00:00:32,220
You are completely and absolutely
average.

12
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,340
Come this way.

13
00:01:04,401 --> 00:01:11,389
the UEA? I think you should only be
using it if you really love the young

14
00:01:11,390 --> 00:01:12,770
and you're sure he loves you.

15
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:14,980
You know perfectly well it's a
university.

16
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:16,570
Oh, university.

17
00:01:16,770 --> 00:01:20,090
All that booze and sex and learning.

18
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,830
Lots and lots of learning.

19
00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:23,950
I wish I'd been able to go.

20
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:24,849
Do you?

21
00:01:24,850 --> 00:01:25,900
Yes.

22
00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:30,709
The one chance you get in life to spend
three or four years being wild and

23
00:01:30,710 --> 00:01:32,890
stupid and sexually irresponsible.

24
00:01:33,290 --> 00:01:36,180
Without having to become President of
the United States.

25
00:01:36,181 --> 00:01:38,789
final yet where she's going?

26
00:01:38,790 --> 00:01:42,590
No, but she's looking at brochures for
new castle and home.

27
00:01:42,591 --> 00:01:46,689
She'll have to leave the nest sometime,
Bill. I know, and every parent wants

28
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,569
their children to go into the world and
achieve great things.

29
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:50,710
Well, I'm sure she will.

30
00:01:50,990 --> 00:01:52,530
But can't she do it closer?

31
00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:53,860
Bill! David!

32
00:01:53,870 --> 00:01:55,130
Come on, I want to do this!

33
00:01:59,230 --> 00:02:02,730
You'll never guess just what's happened.
The most fantastic thing.

34
00:02:02,930 --> 00:02:04,980
Jonathan Ross has taken a vow of
silence.

35
00:02:06,110 --> 00:02:07,160
Better than that.

36
00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:11,959
We have been specially selected to
participate in a series of clinical

37
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,010
trials.

38
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,660
We have been specially selected to
participate... We heard you the first

39
00:02:20,661 --> 00:02:24,299
We just didn't believe you. Oh, God,
you've been talking to the woman with

40
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:25,350
scarf, haven't you?

41
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,379
The market research woman in the
shopping precinct, she always wears a

42
00:02:29,380 --> 00:02:31,199
round her neck, tries to nab everyone.

43
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,750
People have been known to hurl
themselves under shopping trolleys to

44
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:36,250
Avoid? Why?

45
00:02:36,251 --> 00:02:38,849
Because once she's got hold of you, you
can't get away.

46
00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:41,449
She dragged a friend of Tony's off once
to taste something. They came back a

47
00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:43,730
vegetarian. She's a menace, Ben.

48
00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:48,109
No, she isn't. You don't understand. We
exactly fit her profile of the

49
00:02:48,110 --> 00:02:49,650
completely average family.

50
00:02:49,990 --> 00:02:51,040
How wonderful.

51
00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:55,390
In fact, we are one of the most average
families she's ever found.

52
00:02:57,090 --> 00:02:58,830
Don't you realise what that means?

53
00:02:58,850 --> 00:03:00,610
What? It means we're important.

54
00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:03,650
How? Because we're so average.

55
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:08,959
You've got a tiny speaker in Jake
Klinger's toolbox to make him think his

56
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,850
spanners were talking to him. What's
average about that?

57
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,920
Well, it's a question of statistics.

58
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:18,519
You see, everybody else has some little
deviation from the absolute norm that

59
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:19,720
makes them distinctive.

60
00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:21,060
But not us.

61
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,740
I don't want to be average.

62
00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:25,640
I want to be interesting.

63
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,340
No, you don't understand.

64
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:32,400
We, us, are the chosen representatives
of the average British family.

65
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:35,070
What the nation does today... We do
tomorrow.

66
00:03:35,871 --> 00:03:38,549
No, it's the other way round.

67
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:41,980
But that's what we've got important work
to do. What important work?

68
00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:43,060
Testing things.

69
00:03:43,070 --> 00:03:44,730
What is all that junk?

70
00:03:45,070 --> 00:03:50,569
This is not junk. This is exciting test
merchandise in the forefront of modern

71
00:03:50,570 --> 00:03:51,770
progressive marketing.

72
00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:53,580
Drool.

73
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:56,989
Yeah. Well, I haven't got some of the
names right yet, but you can take that

74
00:03:56,990 --> 00:03:58,110
if you like. Oh, thanks.

75
00:03:58,111 --> 00:04:01,269
All right, let's see what else we've
got. Oh, it's all rubbish, Ben.

76
00:04:01,270 --> 00:04:03,560
Oh, you'd say that now, but look at this
stuff.

77
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:06,390
Parmesan -flavoured toothpaste.

78
00:04:08,650 --> 00:04:11,230
Chocolate -covered junior aspirin.

79
00:04:12,030 --> 00:04:16,709
And from the USA, I can't believe it's
not lard.

80
00:04:17,709 --> 00:04:19,149
Oh, God bless America.

81
00:04:19,709 --> 00:04:21,170
You may all mock.

82
00:04:21,450 --> 00:04:22,650
Don't worry, we will.

83
00:04:22,910 --> 00:04:26,400
But mark my words, you'll be thanking me
for all this stuff by tonight.

84
00:04:34,890 --> 00:04:38,150
Okay, right, so... Second child.

85
00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:45,109
David. What? Have you had the madras
scratchings? Not since I used the

86
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,160
ointment.

87
00:04:48,770 --> 00:04:53,329
Can I remind everybody that this is
vitally important work on behalf of the

88
00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:54,380
nation?

89
00:04:54,470 --> 00:04:57,450
Now let's continue in a more
professional manner.

90
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,310
things I'm already feeling sick.

91
00:05:01,330 --> 00:05:04,700
That's the price we have to pay to
become important opinion makers.

92
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,330
So how would you describe the taste
then?

93
00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:14,860
What?

94
00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:24,369
I'd describe it as exactly the taste
you'd expect from a product called

95
00:05:24,370 --> 00:05:25,420
nuts.

96
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,640
And which did you prefer, the brie
hazels or the gorgonzola pecans?

97
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:36,179
That's so difficult, it's like choosing
between the electric chair and a lethal

98
00:05:36,180 --> 00:05:39,280
injection. Oh, the second one.

99
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:40,570
Right.

100
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:47,239
Now, first child, would you be more or
less likely to buy them if they were

101
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,160
renamed cheese o -nuts?

102
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,860
How should I know? I've lost the will to
live.

103
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:55,900
No box for that. I'll put you down as a
don't know.

104
00:05:56,110 --> 00:06:01,589
OK, Paul family, if cheesy nuts were a
breed of dog, which breed would they be

105
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:02,640
and why?

106
00:06:05,710 --> 00:06:06,830
OK, next product.

107
00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:09,490
Oh, what is it this time?

108
00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:13,280
Only another first that we are
privileged to sample on behalf of the

109
00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:17,120
You've heard of Alco Pops? Oh, yeah,
booze that tastes like soft drinks.

110
00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:19,470
Someone did mention them to me.

111
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,710
Well, these...

112
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,580
are Alco crisps. They sound disgusting.

113
00:06:25,140 --> 00:06:29,159
They come in three mouth -watering
flavours, salt and vodka, cheese and

114
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:33,600
calvados, and this delicious flavour,
Guinness and crispy bacon.

115
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:35,550
Try one.

116
00:06:39,140 --> 00:06:40,190
Don't bother.

117
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,040
Anyway, plenty more questions to answer.

118
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:47,140
Are we all thankful enough to have that
pot paella for tea?

119
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,950
Yeah, and get the Spanish Inquisition
tomorrow morning, I should say.

120
00:06:50,951 --> 00:06:52,059
Very witty.

121
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:54,880
Did you sign up to test everything the
scarf woman had?

122
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,559
Of course not. Not everything.

123
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,030
They'd run out of the musical
incontinence pads.

124
00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:02,180
I don't even want to think about that,
thank you very much.

125
00:07:04,060 --> 00:07:05,110
What do they play?

126
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,730
Singing in the rain. No, don't talk
about that.

127
00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:14,159
All right, let's forget all about cheesy
nuts and Alcochrist and move on to

128
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,459
something you'll enjoy more.

129
00:07:15,460 --> 00:07:17,750
Like sticking my head in a bucket of
Swarfiga.

130
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:22,730
No more prune -flavoured snacks or pig's
trotter puffs. Only the creamy,

131
00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:25,930
delicious taste of... a drool bar.

132
00:07:25,931 --> 00:07:29,769
Why don't we go back to Rona? There's a
whole box of them. Who's going to go

133
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:30,820
first? Not me.

134
00:07:30,830 --> 00:07:32,190
David? Jed?

135
00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:33,500
You go first.

136
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:34,800
No, you go on.

137
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:39,590
Well, it looks all right. Come on, come
on.

138
00:07:43,670 --> 00:07:44,720
What's it like?

139
00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:47,500
It's nice.

140
00:07:50,230 --> 00:07:51,370
Ooh, very nice.

141
00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:53,090
What? What's that?

142
00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:55,830
Mm. Why, Mum? I don't think so.

143
00:07:55,831 --> 00:07:59,609
Mm. It's really quite good. Go on, Mum.
No, thank you. I don't think I'd like

144
00:07:59,610 --> 00:08:00,930
it. I don't think I'd like it.

145
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:05,130
The same way I know I wouldn't enjoy a
sex romp with Bernard Matthews.

146
00:08:05,131 --> 00:08:09,769
How are we supposed to be the opinion
formers of the nation if you won't try

147
00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:10,789
something that's new?

148
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,390
I will try something that's new.

149
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,969
You were the last person in the street
to buy a microwave.

150
00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:18,430
I just didn't see how a lamb chop could
be cooked by radio waves.

151
00:08:19,229 --> 00:08:22,050
Except Melody Radio, when it could be
bored to a crisp.

152
00:08:22,051 --> 00:08:26,349
Don't fancy chocolate on top of all
those other things. That's nice.

153
00:08:26,350 --> 00:08:27,609
Do you want another one? Please.

154
00:08:27,610 --> 00:08:28,660
Oh,

155
00:08:28,661 --> 00:08:31,629
Mum, I think you're really going to like
it. They're the best thing we've had

156
00:08:31,630 --> 00:08:32,680
this evening. Go on!

157
00:08:32,909 --> 00:08:35,850
Oh, all right. I'll take it to the
kitchen and have it later.

158
00:08:35,851 --> 00:08:38,308
Hang on. There's a lot more questions to
answer.

159
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:42,549
From now on, you're just getting my
name, rank and Tesco card number.

160
00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:46,100
You can't just leave in the middle of
the trial. There's more to do.

161
00:08:46,101 --> 00:08:49,839
I've had it. Enough of this average
family thing, and I'm not answering any

162
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,160
of those stupid questions.

163
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,220
Understand? Yes, I understand.

164
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:54,670
Good.

165
00:08:54,800 --> 00:09:00,279
So, would you say that you're, A,
extremely pissed off, B, very pissed

166
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,320
C, quite pissed off?

167
00:09:16,810 --> 00:09:17,860
I'll get one for you.

168
00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:20,470
Hey, love.

169
00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:25,710
Thank you, David. That's very nice of
you. Not at all.

170
00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:28,450
You're all in a very good mood.

171
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:30,700
Why shouldn't we be?

172
00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:14,820
I think you've all had quite enough
chocolate for one evening.

173
00:10:17,290 --> 00:10:18,340
All right?

174
00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:21,250
Yeah, well, maybe we have had enough.

175
00:10:27,930 --> 00:10:28,980
Right, there you are.

176
00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:31,090
What do you fancy for breakfast?

177
00:10:31,190 --> 00:10:32,370
Nothing. Nothing?

178
00:10:32,371 --> 00:10:35,449
I just don't feel like having anything
this morning. Is that all right?

179
00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:36,670
Oh, how about you?

180
00:10:36,910 --> 00:10:39,140
I'm still full up from all those cheesy
nuts.

181
00:10:39,141 --> 00:10:40,109
You only had two?

182
00:10:40,110 --> 00:10:42,339
Yes, but they're the snack... thinks
it's a meal.

183
00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:44,060
I've got eggs and sausages.

184
00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:45,800
Sorry, I'm totally full up.

185
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:49,270
Well, at least your father always enjoys
his Sunday breakfast.

186
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:50,850
Morning.

187
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:53,600
Eggs and sausages, all right?

188
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,260
I'm not very hungry.

189
00:10:55,900 --> 00:11:00,780
Sorry, I don't think I understand you.
No eggs and sausages for me. I'm

190
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,560
Well, that could be arranged.

191
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:04,920
I can't help it.

192
00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:08,900
Right, that settles it. I'm going to get
rid of all this stuff before...

193
00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:22,879
Which were they again? I thought you had
lots of them. All right, all right.

194
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,819
Don't get your knickers in a twist. I
know there were a lot there, but...

195
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,140
taking all the drool bars?

196
00:11:28,380 --> 00:11:31,090
Don't look at me. I haven't even tried
the one I kept yet.

197
00:11:31,780 --> 00:11:33,360
Right. Nobody move!

198
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:38,899
Now, I don't want to point the finger or
get heavy -handed and moralistic about

199
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:41,560
it, but somebody's taken my drool bars.

200
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:42,950
Your drool bars.

201
00:11:43,060 --> 00:11:44,740
I thought we were all testing them.

202
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:45,970
Yeah, well...

203
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:47,739
Some of us are testing them more than
others.

204
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,179
Now, come on, who's had them?

205
00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:51,590
Well, I might have had a couple during
the night.

206
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,400
And I came back down again.

207
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:55,240
I might have got the nibbles a bit.

208
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:56,980
Got the nibbles a bit?

209
00:11:57,460 --> 00:12:01,039
There were 36 of these in here last
night. Oh, well, you seem to know a lot

210
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:04,290
about them. Yeah. How many did you have
during the night? One or two.

211
00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:07,680
Ten or 11 more, like. No wonder you're
all full up.

212
00:12:07,681 --> 00:12:10,259
Yeah, but how are we supposed to test
them if we don't have enough?

213
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:13,330
Right, I've had enough of this. Sit back
down at the table. Go on.

214
00:12:28,590 --> 00:12:33,469
to make them last sensibly because when
they're gone they're gone

215
00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:37,610
they're gone

216
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,550
I'm tidying up.

217
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:03,519
Tidying up?

218
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:04,570
Tidying up?

219
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:08,359
I'm sorry, but no wife of mine has any
business tidying up on a Sunday

220
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:09,440
afternoon. What?

221
00:13:09,441 --> 00:13:12,119
Go and put your feet up. Go on, I'll do
the tidying up.

222
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,459
You've been buying me surprise underwear
from that shop again, haven't you? I

223
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:19,499
told you before, if God had meant
knickers to be edible, they'd be in the

224
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,120
department at Marks and Spencer.

225
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:24,210
No, I'm honest, I mean it. Go on, you go
and put your feet up.

226
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,730
It's very nice of you. Thank you very
much.

227
00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:50,460
I think I was just looking for the tea.
I thought you might like some.

228
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,730
I think you might find it in that jar.

229
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:54,370
The one marked tea.

230
00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:56,780
Tea?

231
00:13:56,950 --> 00:13:59,570
Do you keep the tea in a jar that says
tea?

232
00:13:59,950 --> 00:14:01,110
Yes, why shouldn't I?

233
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:04,240
Well, it's the first place the burglars
will look.

234
00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:06,690
Ben, are you feeling quite all right?

235
00:14:06,910 --> 00:14:07,960
Yeah, I'm fine.

236
00:14:10,910 --> 00:14:15,910
I was thinking...

237
00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:19,430
with a scarf.

238
00:14:19,660 --> 00:14:21,640
Is she at the shopping centre every day?

239
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:22,980
Yes, word pluck.

240
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,540
What, in the same place?

241
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,050
Usually, yes.

242
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,979
God, scandalous, isn't it, eh? She
stands there every day, picking on

243
00:14:29,980 --> 00:14:31,079
giving them chocolate.

244
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,900
Except some days, of course.

245
00:14:34,780 --> 00:14:36,360
Except some days, obviously.

246
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:38,790
Obviously.

247
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:50,939
Where does she go on Sundays, eh? I
don't know. Back to the mothership,

248
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:51,919
ask me.

249
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,700
The mothership. All right.

250
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,210
Very good.

251
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,860
round to Rona's, OK?

252
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,250
Hi.

253
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:50,880
Hi. Have you still got that bar of
chocolate Glenn gave you, the new one?

254
00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:52,190
The dribble bar?

255
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:56,519
Yes. You haven't eaten it, have you? I
know the slightest whiff of chocolate

256
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:57,900
brings out my... Skin allergy?

257
00:15:57,980 --> 00:15:59,480
Even when I was still at school.

258
00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:03,270
Once I had a love bite, so I had to tell
Sister Virtue I'd just had a Malteser.

259
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:04,600
How very convenient.

260
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,210
Not really. She disapproved of
foreigners.

261
00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:10,640
Ah, here it is.

262
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:14,460
Thought Tony might have had it for a
moment. Just as well he didn't. Why?

263
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:15,930
I don't know.

264
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,520
There's something very strange about
these.

265
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,160
Strange? What do you mean?

266
00:16:22,740 --> 00:16:23,790
I'm not sure.

267
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,980
I can't quite put my finger...

268
00:16:37,161 --> 00:16:39,599
All right, how's it going?

269
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,979
Well, I've only been decapitated twice,
but the torture meister did rip out my

270
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:46,739
still -beating heart and put it in a
blender, so... You're winning?

271
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:47,790
Yeah.

272
00:16:47,791 --> 00:16:51,479
How long you had this game for, then?
You gave it to me for my birthday four

273
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:52,199
months ago.

274
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,540
Die, screaming punk!

275
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,090
Four months, eh?

276
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:56,760
Four months!

277
00:16:56,761 --> 00:17:01,379
Think of all the advances in video game
technology there have been in the last

278
00:17:01,380 --> 00:17:03,140
four months. Like what?

279
00:17:04,380 --> 00:17:07,800
Well, like three -dimensional...

280
00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:12,740
graphical imaging, rendering, and stuff.

281
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,819
Stuff. Oh, amazing advances.

282
00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:21,140
I mean, this game's like, oh, it's from
the dark ages. It's pretty jurassic.

283
00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:22,470
You really think so?

284
00:17:22,471 --> 00:17:24,659
These dismembered limbs look pretty
realistic.

285
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:31,539
Well, maybe they did four months ago,
but now they're like... I'll

286
00:17:31,540 --> 00:17:33,760
tell you what. Look, here's a tenner.

287
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:36,950
Why don't you go out and get yourself
Tomb Raider 3?

288
00:17:36,951 --> 00:17:40,629
It's just as good as Tomb Raider 1 and
2, but now they've managed to make Lara

289
00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:42,870
Croft's virtual T -shirt even tighter.

290
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,320
That is 40 quid.

291
00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:46,350
40 quid? Yeah.

292
00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:49,080
Look at the price. It's so much better
than this one.

293
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:50,400
Thanks, Dad.

294
00:17:53,390 --> 00:17:54,440
Well, go on, then.

295
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,549
What, now?

296
00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:58,269
Yeah, they'll be walking out the shops
on their own. That really is a

297
00:17:58,270 --> 00:17:59,710
breakthrough in technology.

298
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:09,300
No, no, no, you don't know. That's a
really, really bad idea.

299
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:13,919
Now, what you want to do is forget about
your maths. I've always said no good

300
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,240
can come from mathematics.

301
00:18:15,241 --> 00:18:18,579
No, you don't. You always say, if I
don't do my maths, I'll end up selling

302
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:19,519
big issue.

303
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,570
Yeah.

304
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,180
Yeah, I do say that, don't I?

305
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:23,600
But only when I'm lying.

306
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,870
Don't take no notice of anything I say,
ever. That's it for now.

307
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:28,310
Go on. All right.

308
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,010
See you later.

309
00:19:03,830 --> 00:19:04,880
What? Nothing.

310
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:08,610
Oh. Only, I think it looks good.

311
00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:10,270
What does this old shirt?

312
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:11,460
No, your new look.

313
00:19:11,510 --> 00:19:12,560
What new look?

314
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,690
Your new look. You look so well.

315
00:19:15,470 --> 00:19:17,690
Well? What do you mean I look well?

316
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:19,060
Just well, you know.

317
00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:20,440
Healthy.

318
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:21,820
Sturdy.

319
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,080
Solid.

320
00:19:23,970 --> 00:19:27,430
Solid? Are you saying I'm fat?

321
00:19:27,670 --> 00:19:30,490
No, no, no, not fat, not as such. Just a
bit curvier.

322
00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,950
Curvia? Yeah, like Kate Winslet.

323
00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:35,450
Oh, Kate Winslet, Kirby.

324
00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:40,009
Yeah. Right, well, that's it. I'm laying
off of chips and takeaway... And all

325
00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:41,150
cocoa -based products.

326
00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:42,440
Yeah.

327
00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:44,170
Oh, I get it.

328
00:19:44,590 --> 00:19:45,640
Nice try.

329
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:49,850
But my drawbar's staying right here with
me, thank you very much. Suit yourself.

330
00:19:53,370 --> 00:19:54,420
It's your body.

331
00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:57,920
You're going to have to try a lot harder
than that, David Porter.

332
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:25,099
Sorbitol. A six -carbon sugar alcohol
occurring naturally in fruit can

333
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:29,640
cause flatulent diarrhea and abdominal
distension.

334
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:34,960
E -903.

335
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:36,760
E -903.

336
00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:41,080
Carnauba wax.

337
00:20:41,580 --> 00:20:47,159
Glazing and polishing agent for sugar
confectionery. Adverse effects to none

338
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,690
known. There you are, you see. Could be
that.

339
00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:51,120
There's none known.

340
00:20:51,310 --> 00:20:52,990
They might not know about them yet.

341
00:20:53,330 --> 00:20:55,860
They know about the flatulence and the
diarrhoea.

342
00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:57,770
Well, that's hardly surprising.

343
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:00,910
That's the last one.

344
00:21:01,490 --> 00:21:04,080
What exactly do you think is wrong with
these bars?

345
00:21:04,810 --> 00:21:08,030
I don't know, really. They just seem to
like them a lot.

346
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,050
Why don't you taste it?

347
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:11,720
Taste it?

348
00:21:11,890 --> 00:21:15,020
Perhaps they're just lovely chocolate
and really nice to eat.

349
00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:16,940
Yes.

350
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,370
Oh, you're right.

351
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:32,620
That's what worries me.

352
00:21:32,940 --> 00:21:35,600
What? They could be too nice.

353
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:37,090
Too nice?

354
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,240
Yes. How can something be too nice?

355
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,650
Things that are too nice aren't always
good for you. Like what?

356
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:43,850
Anthea Turner.

357
00:21:43,860 --> 00:21:44,910
Oh.

358
00:21:46,350 --> 00:21:47,400
streets a week.

359
00:21:47,510 --> 00:21:49,980
A Cliff Richard triple album. It'd be
ridiculous.

360
00:21:49,981 --> 00:21:52,709
That's why I'm going to have to stop the
meeting anymore.

361
00:21:52,710 --> 00:21:56,870
I can't say. Well, somebody's got to. We
can't just go with the flow like you.

362
00:21:57,030 --> 00:21:58,950
It's better than being a control freak.

363
00:22:00,090 --> 00:22:02,770
Are you saying that I'm a control freak?

364
00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:04,640
Only if you'll let me.

365
00:22:04,641 --> 00:22:07,669
Somebody's got to take responsibility
for things.

366
00:22:07,670 --> 00:22:10,500
Do you think I like being the one who
always has to say no?

367
00:22:10,950 --> 00:22:12,000
Yes. What?

368
00:22:13,310 --> 00:22:15,170
I've told everyone what to do about it.

369
00:22:15,171 --> 00:22:18,779
I do not. Yes, you do, and now you're
going to make them stop eating drool

370
00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:21,780
just because you're convinced they enjoy
them too much.

371
00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:23,390
Am I?

372
00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:27,710
Look, they'll have eaten the last few by
tonight. The whole thing will be over.

373
00:22:27,860 --> 00:22:29,480
What have you got to worry about?

374
00:22:31,140 --> 00:22:32,880
Yes, you're right.

375
00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:34,900
I'm probably overreacting.

376
00:23:04,231 --> 00:23:07,589
I'm just getting some off the carpet.

377
00:23:07,590 --> 00:23:09,450
I can't believe this is happening.

378
00:23:11,870 --> 00:23:12,930
What's that noise?

379
00:23:24,290 --> 00:23:28,690
So, that is, in fact, the very last of
the drool baths.

380
00:23:29,090 --> 00:23:30,140
Yes.

381
00:23:30,730 --> 00:23:32,960
Nobody's hiding any more of them
anywhere?

382
00:23:33,650 --> 00:23:34,700
No.

383
00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:36,450
So that's an end to it.

384
00:23:36,850 --> 00:23:42,009
Now, I want you all to promise me that
starting tomorrow, you'll forget all

385
00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:43,730
about that dangerous chocolate.

386
00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:45,600
Promise.

387
00:23:48,310 --> 00:23:51,270
Excuse me. Could you spare just a few
moments of your time?

388
00:23:52,250 --> 00:23:54,900
Excuse me. Could you spare a few moments
of your time?

389
00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:57,429
Excuse me. Could you spare just a few
moments?

390
00:23:57,430 --> 00:23:59,069
We are not allowed to approach her.

391
00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:01,010
She has to randomly select us.

392
00:24:01,210 --> 00:24:04,460
So... We've got to attract her
attention, right? Right.

393
00:24:04,700 --> 00:24:05,750
Right.

394
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:08,540
Operation Cocoa Bean is a go.

395
00:24:55,351 --> 00:24:57,359
This isn't working.

396
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:58,740
She's still not noticing us.

397
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,820
What we need is something a bit more...
subtle.

398
00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:09,140
That should do it.

399
00:25:09,740 --> 00:25:11,120
Just a minute.

400
00:25:11,860 --> 00:25:14,700
What on earth do you think you're doing?

401
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:16,250
Nothing.

402
00:25:16,251 --> 00:25:17,519
Have we?

403
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:18,570
No.

404
00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:21,610
Then what are you doing with that axe
through your head?

405
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:23,810
What axe?

406
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:25,700
You couldn't be trusted.

407
00:25:25,701 --> 00:25:28,679
You're just trying to get that woman to
notice you, aren't you? So she'll give

408
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:29,730
you more drool bars.

409
00:25:29,940 --> 00:25:30,990
No.

410
00:25:30,991 --> 00:25:33,879
Take it off. I've had enough of this.
Hang on, where are you going? It's about

411
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,559
time we found out what's going on here.
No, no, no, no, you can't just walk up

412
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,300
to them and speak to them. Excuse me?

413
00:25:38,860 --> 00:25:43,400
Yes, dear? Are you still handing out
drool bars to the unsuspecting public?

414
00:25:43,740 --> 00:25:45,180
Oh, no, there aren't any more.

415
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:49,440
What? The manufacturer withdrew them
over the weekend. They've all been

416
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,530
Pulped?

417
00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:53,400
Why have they been pulped?

418
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,519
I'm afraid there was some kind of
problem with them. There was some slight

419
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:02,059
concern that they might have adverse
effects on psychologically susceptible

420
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:03,110
people.

421
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,240
But you handed a whole box of them to
us.

422
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:09,900
You have the product for testing?

423
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:11,250
Yes.

424
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,730
If you just come along, ladies and
gentlemen.

425
00:26:21,191 --> 00:26:25,299
and some more of that chocolate, though,
somehow.

426
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:27,590
You heard her. There isn't another
single bar.

427
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:29,540
Apart from the one we gave Rona.

428
00:26:29,780 --> 00:26:30,830
Yeah.

429
00:26:32,511 --> 00:26:38,819
What are we going to tell her? We want
the full bar. No, we can't say that.

430
00:26:38,820 --> 00:26:39,519
But we do.

431
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:40,759
She mustn't know we're desperate.

432
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:41,439
I'm not desperate.

433
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:42,419
Hello!

434
00:26:42,420 --> 00:26:44,220
You're not desperate as much as we do.

435
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,420
I am not. I can take it all in.

436
00:26:59,241 --> 00:27:01,719
Brings her out in blotches.

437
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,280
Anyway, she's obviously not in.

438
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:04,530
You're right.

439
00:27:05,180 --> 00:27:06,460
I have to break in.

440
00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:08,110
Just a minute!

441
00:27:10,620 --> 00:27:11,880
Put that down.

442
00:27:13,180 --> 00:27:15,100
Mum. What happened to you?

443
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:19,679
I have just been taken to a medical room
where nurses were instructed to remove

444
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:22,080
every trace of drool bar from my body.

445
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,200
How? You don't want to know.

446
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:27,380
Why would they do that?

447
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,640
Haven't you noticed?

448
00:27:28,641 --> 00:27:32,729
The chocolate in them is so delicious,
they're psychologically addictive.

449
00:27:32,730 --> 00:27:34,110
Addictive? Can't be.

450
00:27:34,111 --> 00:27:36,729
Oh, no? Haven't you all realised what
you've been doing?

451
00:27:36,730 --> 00:27:37,780
What? What?

452
00:27:38,230 --> 00:27:42,509
You've been lying to each other,
cheating, going to any lengths to get

453
00:27:42,510 --> 00:27:44,329
if it can happen to us, it can happen to
anyone.

454
00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:46,250
We're the average family, remember?

455
00:27:46,251 --> 00:27:49,989
Yeah, terrible, terrible. Have you got
Rona's spare key? Never mind about

456
00:27:49,990 --> 00:27:50,809
spare key.

457
00:27:50,810 --> 00:27:54,589
All three of you going back inside the
house and staying there until you don't

458
00:27:54,590 --> 00:27:55,730
want another drool bar.

459
00:27:55,790 --> 00:27:56,840
Yeah, but... Inside...

460
00:28:03,761 --> 00:28:05,859
hear about

461
00:28:05,860 --> 00:28:10,410
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0